Dore ibyo umugore yakorera umugabo we utakimwikoza akabasha kumugarukira

Mu ngo zo muri iki gihe, inyinshi ibibazo bigenda byiyongera umunsi ku munsi. Abashakanye bamwe aho kurebana akana ko mujisho basigaye barebana ay’ingwe woshye abanzi.

Ariko se umugore ufitanye ibibazo n’umugabo bashakanye babikemura gute ngo bongere gukundana no guteteshanya nk’uko byahoze? Iyi nkuru igenewe abagore kuko nibo batagira umutima ukomeye wo kwihanganira kubona ibintu bigenda birushaho kuba bibi.

Gushaka umugore cyangwa umugabo ni ukwiyemeza no kumaramaza. Ni ubwo urugo ari rwiza ,rubamo ibyishimo n’umunezero ariko habamo n’ibibazo binyuranye . Byose biba bikureba kandi ntugomba kubyihunza. Kumenya kubikemura n’uko ubyitwaramo niyo turufu yo kubaka urugo.

Tugiye kurebera hamwe icyo umugore ufitanye ibibazo ndetse bikomeye n’umugabo we akaba atakimwikoza icyo yakora ibintu bigasubira uko byahoze. Akongera kugira umunezero aho guhorana agahinda n’umubabaro kubera urushako.

1. Kwemera ko hari ibibazo

Kwemera ko hari ikibazo niyo ntambwe ya mbere yo kugikemura. Igikurikiraho ni ugushaka inzira n’uburyo bwo kukiganiraho n’umugabo wawe. Kwemera ikosa nubwo nta ruhare waba urifitemo ni ibanga rikomeye. Abagore bakunda gutsimbarara ku makosa, bagashaka kuyaherereza ku bagabo. Uko urushaho kugira umugabo wawe umunyamakosa niko na we arushaho kuguhunga. Ni wowe ushaka ko ibibazo bikemuka. Emera ko wakosheje acururuke mubone uko mushyikirana.

2. Ikiganiro

Ikiganiro ni umuti ukemura ibibazo hagati y’abashakanye aho biva bikagera. Ikibazo bamwe mu bashakanye ntibazi ko ari umuti ariko urura. Umugore ushaka ko ibibazo afitanye n’umugabo we bikemuka agomba kumenya uko yitwara mu kiganiro, kumenya igihe gikwiriye cyo kuganira.

Impamvu abashakanye bajya bananirwa gukemurira ibibazo byabo mu kuganira, bafata ikiganiro uko kitari. Bafata uwo mwanya nk’igihe cyo guhangana, gushinjanya amakosa, gucyurirana, kugayana, kurenzaho, Ibi n’ibindi nkabyo bituma aho gukemura ikibazo cyiyongera kurushaho.

Mwiganira muterana amagambo, mukomeretsanya. Buri wese aba agomba kubwira mugenzi we akababaro ke ndetse akamusaba kumufasha kukavamo. Nicyo mwashakaniye, gufashanya mu buzima.

3. Kumenya ko uri mutima w’urugo maze ukajya wongera ubwenge n’udushya

Umugore niwe mutima w’urugo. Abantu bakunda gutanga ingero bakavuga ngo ingo za kera zari nziza, imiryango itekanye n’ibindi. Ariko ukuri ni uko abagabo ba kera si uko bitondaga kurusha abubu, ahubwo umuryango kuva kera wari wubatse ku mugore ari naho havuye imvugo ngo umugore ni ‘mutima w’urugo’.

Mugore mwiza rero ugomba guhanga udushya kugira ngo umugabo arusheho kwibona mu rugo. Ibibazo byose byicwa n’uko umugabo agenda acika mu rugo kuko ntabishya ahabona cyangwa iteka umusanganiza ibibazo. Urugo warugize nk’ikubuga cy’ isibaniro. Mukundishe mu rugo, wige udushya cyangwa utwigane mu ngo ubona zibanye neza.

4.Kwicisha bugufi

Impammvu abashakanye bahora bagongana ni uko buri wese aba ashaka kubahwa. Mugore mwiza icyubahiro ni Icy’Imana. Menya kwicisha bugufi imbere y’umugabo wawe. Nubwo haje uburinganire, menya ko umugore agomba guca bugufi imbere y’umugabo. Na Bibiliya igitabo cyera irabivuga.
Wimwubahuka. Amashuri menshi wize, amafaranga y’umurengera uhembwa, umuryango ukomeye ukomokamo…sibyo bigomba gutuma wigira nk’isasu mu rugo. Ibuka ko ibyo byose bidakuraho ko uri umugore mu rugo. Nugenda umwereka impinduka bizamutera kwibaza byinshi arusheho kukugarukira.

5.Kwitanga mu gihe cyo gutera akabariro

Gutera akabariro hagati y’abashakanye ni inkingi ya mwamba yubaka urugo rugakomera. Iyo iyi ngingo yapfuye nibwo ibibazo binshi bitangira kuvuka. Iyo umwe muri mwe atitwara neza, byose bitangira kuzamba.

Umugore agomba kwibuka ko ibyo yaje asanga murugo rwe niwabo byari bihari. Inshingano yibanze ku mugore mu rugo ni ugushimisha umugabo mu buriri. Nyakwigendera Christophe Matata niwe wabirirmbye ati :”..Sinaje nzanywe n’ibigori ,naje nzanywe n’ibingoye.” Uzuza inshingano zawe uko bikwiriye. Niba utajyaga ugaragaza ubushake mu gihe cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina ,tangira ubu. Kuba atakikwikoza ni uko wenda utitwara neza. Kora uko ushoboye umwibagize amahabara yirukira.

6. Muteteshe

Kwitabwaho (Affection/care) ntawe utabikunda. Usanga abagore aribo bashaka guhora bateteshwa/basingizwa wagira ngo abagabo bibagwa nabi. Umugore agomba gutetesha , gukundwakaza umugabo we kuko nabo burya baba babikeneye. Wishaka ko umugabo wawe ariwe uhora avunika. Mu rukundo muba mugomba gusangira amarangamutima.

7.Ntiwashyikiriye

Kuba umugabo wawe yaragushatse akagushyira mu rugo ntibyarangiye. Ugomba gukomeza kumukunda. Iyo mugeze mu rugo rwanyu ugomba kurusha uko wabigiraga mukiri ingaragu. Hanze aha hari abakobwa n’abagore babuze abagabo kandi bababaye. Wabyemera, wabyanga uri mu irushanwa n’abandi bakobwa cyangwa abagore. Mukorere ibyo ukeka ko atabona ahandi. Wikwibwira ko washyikiriye ndetse wagezeyo ngo uterere agate mu ryinyo.

Yanditswe na Bertrand Iradukunda