Dore amagambo 8 abantu bakoresha baryarya abandi mu rukundo ntibazigere barabukwa

Umuhanga waminuje mu bijyanye n’imibanire mibi n’ihohoterwa mu miryango Sharie Stines wo muri Leta ya Calfonia, yasobanuye ijambo ‘Kuryarya’ agira ati ”Ni imyumvire mibi y’ibibera mu muntu ndetse bukaba uburyo bubi bukoreshwa n’abantu baba bashoboye gusaba icyo bashaka kandi bagishaka ako kanya. Abantu bakoresha ubu buryo bwo kuryarya bagenzi babo, baba bashaka kubayobora cyangwa kubegeka ku ntekerezo zabo ngo bazumve nabo”. Ni byiza kumenya aya mayeri akoreshwa n’aba bantu baba bagambiriye kukubeshya utitaye ku kuba mwegeranye cyangwa ari umuntu wawe wa hafi.

Iyi nkuru ntabwo yakozwe kugira ngo igaragaze ko hari umuntu runaka ufite iki kibazo mu mutwe we cyo kuryarya bagenzi be akoresheje amagambo tugiye kugarukaho. Gusa nusanga ushobora kugirwaho ingaruka nayo mu mibanire yawe, kubera umuntu wizera, ugende muganire.

1. “Reba ibyo watumye nkora!”

Iri jambo rikoreshwa cyane mu rukundo cyangwa mu mibanire y’abantu ya buri munsi, mu gihe umuntu umwe ashaka kwikuraho amakosa ari kuyegeka kuri mugenzi we cyangwa bagenzi be, nibwo uzumva ateruye ati ”Mwabonye ibyo mwatumye nkora koko?”, cyangwa uti” Wabonye ibyo watumye nkora!”.

Numara kumva iri jambo riturutse kuri mugenzi wawe, uzibuke ibi “Ntabwo ufite inshingano ku bikorwa bya mugenzi wawe”. Uzamusubize uti ”Nta mbaraga mfite zo gutuma hari icyo wowe ukora, wahisemo gukora ibyo wagombaga gukora, wabyihitiyemo. Nanjye nzabazwa ibyanjye”.

2. “Ariko waravuze ngo…….”

Iri jambo ryo rikunze gukoreshwa n’abacuruzi cyangwa mu nganda zitandukanye, mu gihe bashaka kwemeza abakozi ibintu cyangwa abakiriya ibitabafitiye inyungu cyangwa badashaka kubaha umwanya wo kubitekerezaho. Iri jambo rishobora gutuma wemera ibyo uri kubazwa cyangwa gusabwa byose nta n’ubwenge bwinshi ushyizemo

Aha benshi basesa amasezerano n’abakoresha,..Bituma ushukwa ugakoreshwa ibyo udashaka kubera ijambo ngo “Ariko waravuze….” Bivuze ko ugiye kuzirikirwa ku isezerano byitwa ko watanze nyamara nta n’aho ryanditse ngo wiyibutse.

3. “Wibura ubwenge – Wikomeza ibintu”

Wigeze uregwa kugira amarangamutima menshi cyane cyangwa kwibanda ku kintu cyane ukacyibazaho cyangwa ukumva udatuje kubera impamvu runaka?. Niba hari uwigeze akubwira gutyo wari ukwiye guhita umenya ko uyu muntu atitaye ku byiyumviro byawe bitewe n’igihe urimo.

Ujye wibuka ko nta mpamvu yo gusobanurira uwo ari we wese impamvu utameze neza. Ntabwo ugomba gushimisha umuntu utazita ku kuba wanamufashije cyangwa utabikoze. Ibuka ko uko wiyumva nibyo bikomeye, rero tega amatwi umutwe wawe n’umutima wawe wumve ibyo bikubwira. Nibigusaba kudafasha umuntu ubireke, kuko ni cyo kimenyetso cy’ibanze.

4. “Sinzigera …….”

Wigeze wumva umuntu uvuga uti ”Sinzigera mbikora” cyangwa ngo “Sinzigera nitwara muri buriya buryo…..”? Ahari yabivuze ku bwe abyivugiye nta yindi mpamvu mbi ibyihishe inyuma. Ibi bikoreshwa mu nkundo z’aha hanze aha yewe nta n’ikibi kirimo. Ibi bigaragaza uburyo ufite umuhate kandi witeguye gukosora ibyo wakoraga. Niba wumva ko aya magambo aturutse ku ruhunde rugucira urubanza, igisubizo kiza, cyaba: “Ahari wari kubikora, ahari ntiwari kubikora. Natwe twakifatira imyanzuro”. Ibi bizagufasha kugabanya igitutu wari uriho aho kwemera gushukwa buhumyi, cyangwa ngo wemere ko imyanzuro yawe yari ipfuye.

5. “Ndabizi ibi wabicamo urakomeye, ariko ndifuza ko ibi wabikora mu buryo bwanjye. Ni ikintu cyiza kuri twese hano waba udukoreye”

Kuguma mu mubano uhora ugushinja amakosa byigeze bikubaho? Mu gihe abantu bashaka kugufatishaho ikintu bazakoresha iyi nteruro, kugira ngo bagukureho ibyo bifuza by’ako kanya bitabagoye kandi utanabitekerejeho. Ikiba kiza ni ukuganirira hamwe ikibazo mugafatanya kugishakira umuti mwese hamwe, singombwa ngo wowe ubibakorere. Ikindi wumve ko ugomba kubahwa. Ese ubundi inzira zawe nizo zitubereye twese? Cyangwa nizo zikubereye wowe?

6. “Ntubyiteshe ,…”

Iyi mvugo ikunda gukoreshwa n’abarimu, ababyeyi n’abantu bakundana. Ikiremwa muntu kigira ubwoba karamano bwo gutinya igihombo cyangwa kugira intege nke zo gukomeza kugundira ibintu bidatanga umusaruro vuba. Nibyiza kugira imbaraga zituma dufata ibyo dufite ntibiducike, kuruta uko twagira umuhate wo gutegereza ibyo tuzabona binyuze mu nzira ndende. Ababyeyi bazaterwa ubwoba no kubona abana babo bahitamo kunyura mu nzira ihabanye n’iyo bo batekereza ko yaba ariyo nziza kuri bo. Umubeyi azavuga ati ”Wikwitesha ibyo wakoreye byose,….”

Ibi babivugishwa n’uko baba bakwitayeho mu mutima. Mu rukundo “Nturekure ibyo twamaze igihe twubaka ngo bigende gutyo”. Iri jambo rituma abantu benshi baguma mu rukundo batishimiye rikababera umugozi ubaboshye mu ibanga rikomeye. Ikizaba igisubizo kiza ni “Ntabwo intumbero yanjye ari ugutakaza, ntabwo ariyo ntego yanjye. Mpugijwe n’iyi nzira nshya kandi ndabyumva nimpitamo kuyinyuramo, ngomba kubikora ku murongo”.

7. “Wifata umwanzuro wihuse”

Ni kangahe wabwiwe ko wafashe umwanzuro wihuse kandi wowe ubona nta n’umwanya wari ufite wo gutegereza? Umuntu ushaka kukuryarya rero azakwereka uburyo ugiye guhubuka mu mwanzuro ugiye gufata. Bazabyikoresha bitware nk’abadafite icyo bakwaka. Uzabona bahangayikishijwe cyane nabyo kukurusha mu gihe babona wanze kuva ku izima. Niba wiyumvamo kutirukansa ibintu, wishukwa guhagarika ibyo watangiye, kuko bashaka kukubona mu mwobo bacukuye.

8. “Ntunyumve nabi”.

Umuntu uri kukuryarya uzumva avuga ngo “Ntunyumve nabi cyakora”. Erega menya ko nta bundi buryo afite bwo kugusaba icyo ashaka. Iyo bigeze ku byo wowe ushaka ahubwo ntabwo akumva ariwe. Niba ubana n’umuntu ukuryarya, cyangwa bakuryarya, ugomba kwitondera ibitekerezo byose bikugeraho.

Wakoze kubana natwe muri iyi nkuru, twizere ko wabonyemo ibizagufasha ndetse no kubikoresha mu gihe biri ngombwa. Wibuke ko izi nteruro zo kukuryarya akenshi zikoreshwa n’umuntu ugukunda kandi ukwifuriza ibyiza gusa ntabwo iteka ryose ariko bihora. Niwumva ko uri gushukwa cyangwa kuryarywa, uzegere umuntu wizera umuganirize. Reka tumenye uko wakiriye iyi nkuru usiga igitekerezo cyawe ahabugenewe.